Tantrums: The Real Reason Behind Them and How to Fix it
Ella Rose Roussel
Believe it or not, the terrible twos are actually the terrible ones, twos, threes, and even beyond if you let them be. That’s right, you heard right if you let them be. The best way to describe a tantrum, I believe, is a lack of self-control, self-regulation, and resilience. In other words, children cannot calm themselves, understand or express their emotions, and return to their normal state without having to exhaust themselves first. Of course, you could say the purpose of tantrums is to teach them these things, but I believe there is a fine line between these things helping them and damaging them. Most of us can say we’ve tried the put them in a room and shut the door tactic, let them cry it out. Well, my daughter has amazing lungs, and she can scream for over an hour; I know this because I tried the method I was told would work, and though part of me believed it was wrong and detrimental, I tried it anyway, feeling exhausted myself. It was awful and wasn’t fruitful at all. We then tried the distraction method; how exhausting. If you have ever tried it, you know you sleep incredibly heavily after that kind of day, and still, there may be more tantrums to come. All of these methods and tactics are band-aids, something to cover or try to heal the wound, but the problem is not skin deep; it goes beyond. If you truly want your child to stop having tantrums, you need to start with the heart issue.
Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine the Cause
Here are some things to ask yourself…
> What television shows is my child watching? What kind of behavior are the characters modeling?
> How has my mood and attitude been? Do I have a good heart attitude?
> What has my child been eating? Have we had a lot of sugary or processed foods? Have we had any colorings or foods that encourage hyperactivity, like orange foods (oranges and carrots are included in this)?
> Who has my child been hanging around with? What behavior do they exhibit?
There is always a reason for your child’s behaviors and heart issues, and it’s our responsibility to guide them, work it out, and equip them with the best way to cope, deal with, and alleviate the issue.
If you focus on the cure, you won’t be able to prevent the issue; it will keep coming back.
My Preventative Solution
Over time, with my first three now over these tantrums, I have realized that guidance and teaching of the heart are of utmost importance. As young as two they are able and capable of talking with you and learning from you, in a mentoring capacity, they already model after you, copying what you do and say. Believe me, even when you think they are not listening or watching you, they are, and they will repeat and copy even if you don’t want them to. My solution is character trait lessons. I use biblical references, which I discuss with them, telling them about the meaning behind the verse and then what we can take from it in relation to the character trait we are focusing on; I pick a new trait each week and do activities with the kids to help them act out the character quality. This acting it out helps them remember and call upon the character trait when a problem arises, because you do it with them you can call on the memory by reminding them about the activity and what it means to feel or act out that character trait.
We need to teach our kids about kindness, respect, self-control, and many more character traits we hope our children will possess. I have made it my mission to stop hoping and know that my children will be equipped with knowledge of these character traits and the biblical references to back them up and enhance their vocabulary. I am determined to teach them and ensure they have fun doing it. The terrible ones, twos, and threes truly don’t have to be terrible; they can be beautiful; you just have to change your own mindset and approach to how you parent and how you deal with heart issues that arise.
Final Thoughts
The phrase there is always a reason has helped me so much and become a mantra to stay on track with the kids. Of course, I’m not perfect by any means, and I have definitely made my mistakes; I can say that we have turned a new leaf, and we are on a newly paved road with so much to learn and explore together. I find that, as I teach my children these character traits/qualities, I also change and learn. We are growing together. That’s one of the many beauties of parenting. We are constantly learning from our children as much, if not more so, than they learn from us.
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Hi, I Am ella rose roussel
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